Lily DePaula >> heartbreak, ego death, trust, and beginning to set boundaries

Takeaways: 

1. Are you putting your needs on the backburner for someone or something else? Do an honest self assessment. Whether it’s in a relationship, with work, or some other situation in life it’s good to know. The key to self love is putting your own needs first. If you’re not used to this, it might take some time to figure out. That’s fine. Take the time! 
2. Every break up or heartbreak is a form of ego death. To truly heal a new person must emerge from what was. This is maybe why heartbreak is so painful, because part of yourself must die to make way for something new. 
3. Love might look and feel different as you evolve and grow. You might look back on a relationship and realize that what you thought was love is not how you understand love now. In fact, it might have been very toxic. Honor the love you had at the time, but know what type of love you’re looking for now. 
4. Communication is key and it’s not just with words. Words can help articulate, but often actions can be even more important. Aligning your words with your actions is a great way to build trust.
5. A warning sign of toxicity is when a person is not listening to your needs. You state what your wants, needs, or desires and that person doesn’t respect them. In some way a person like this may try to encroach on your time or space that you’ve put a boundary on. Or you may simply sense that a person is trying to manipulate you in some way. Use this as a guidepost or develop your own strategies for identifying toxicity so you don’t bring it into your intimate circles.
6. Just because someone is going through something difficult doesn’t give them permission to hurt you. Being compassionate, tolerant, and forgiving is ok, but they have no right to hurt you. In cases like these you may want to consider putting up a boundary. 
7. If you’ve never set a boundary with another person before it might feel really uncomfortable to do so. Like anything it gets easier with practice. 
8. Sometimes no amount of communication is going to save something. In some situations you might discover that it’s not possible to work something out because a choice has already been made, a reality has already been chosen. Either by your partner or yourself. Working on it isn’t gonna won’t work and it’s not your place to change that person’s mind. So even though it might be painful, moving on might be the best course of action. 
9. With a breakup you might loose friends along with your partner. This may be an extension of what Lily calls an “ego death”. But you have to ask yourself, “were they really my friend to begin with?” If they couldn’t stay around for some of the most difficult times of your life, they may not be a true friend. 
10. One way to look at heartbreak is that your heart is actually ready to give and receive more love. However, the situation you’re in might be limiting that potential. Your heart breaks because it has to open up in order to be ready for new potential. Part of that process will definitely be experienced as pain if you’re strongly attached to a certain situation. 
11. Often times we will keep encountering the same type of partner, the same type of love, the same type of relationship until we do something to change how that shows up for us. Setting boundaries for what you know doesn’t work for you is a great way to start changing these patterns. It’s a great way to tap into self love too. Remember to put your needs first, especially when starting something new. 
12. What is a Leo? Lily and I share the same birthday and naturally the same astrological sign. We love being Leos and we talk about it a lot. In case you’re not already hyper aware, Leos are ruled by the sun and considered the king of the zodiac. We’re passionate, enthusiastic, generous, brave, loyal, courageous, fun, warm, protective, and charismatic. We’re also natural leaders, creatives, and we love the spotlight and attention. We can be seen as demanding, dominating, possessive, stubborn, egoistic, jealous, and vain. We love people, we love doing our own thing, and we wear our heart on our sleeve. 
13. The connections we have with people are so important. The people in our lives are a big part what keeps our hearts full of love. It’s not just our most intimate partners, it’s everyone! Friends, family, co-workers, teachers, the list goes on. I do my best to showcase many different kinds of connections that I have on this show so you can see there’s always an opportunity to connect from the heart wherever you go. The roommate connection in Lily’s case is a big one that can often get overlooked. No matter how well you know a roommate, it’s an intimate connection. They see how you live! I feel so lucky to have such a big heart of a roommate to bump into in the kitchen to talk about love. It makes my home that much better to come home to.