Kwame Amin >> the 5 love languages, acts of service, and showing up to break down walls

Takeaways: 

1. Just because you’ve never been in love doesn’t mean you don’t know love. There are lots of experiences of love beyond intimate relationships. When love is absent in one expression, it most likely is showing up in another way. For Kwame, his relationship with spirit, faith, and service to life wherever he goes are how he experiences a greater love for life. 
2. Just because you’ve been in relationships doesn’t mean you’ve been in love. Check yourself: have you been in love? In my experience, the phrase “I think I’ve been in love” might be a key indicator that you haven’t been. That might be a tough pill to swallow, but it’s worth it to know. Being in love is an all consuming feeling that you just know. It’s not logical, it’s experiential and all consuming. You don’t have to think about it, you just know. Also, if you haven’t been in love, you’re not flawed! You just have more exploration and experiences ahead of you.  
3. What Kwame has to share is so important for parents out there to hear. What children experience when they’re young really impacts how they give and receive love when they’re older. How are you nurturing love in your children? The love languages might be a great thing to work with kids on. As Kwame points out, they’re not gonna learn in school! How will you teach your children to be fluent in love? 
4. All of us are children of someone. It might be worth it to not only do an inventory of your own love languages, but also those of your parents. You may see that they weren’t speaking your primary love language, but they were in fact giving you lots of love. 
5. I need to actually read the book on Love Languages, maybe you do too. I’ve been working with this stuff for years and it’s probably time to go deeper. The Book is called “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. You can order it online if you want to go deep into it. Or you may just want to do some quick research and take a love languages quiz. You can do that at www.5lovelanguages.com
6. The 5 Love Languages are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. 
7. The concept of the “Love Tank” goes side by side with the Love Languages. Some languages will fill you or your lover’s tank up more easily. It’s worth it to figure out which language fills you up the most.
8. No love language is better than another love language. They’re just ways to give and receive love. If you aren’t fluent in a love language, maybe recognize that fact. Furthermore, being proactive in learning that language could open you up to a whole new landscape of love. 
9. Kwame is a role model for service in my life. In that way he’s a role model for the love language of “Acts of Service”. It makes me think: what are the love languages of the people surrounding you? Who inspires you? If you want to become more fluent in a love language, do you have someone to look up to who’s a good role model? 
10. A secret to service and the love language of “Acts of Service” is to simply not be afraid of doing things. Get rid of the “what if?” Just do things! What would you do for yourself or someone else if today was your last? 
11. Persistence, showing up for yourself, and doing the work! Can you see how much work Kwame is doing to break through these walls that are barriers to more love? He is committed to more love in his life and that is incredibly admirable in my book. Just because your lover may have some walls it doesn’t mean they’re not doing the work to break them down. Maybe a little bit of patience and compassion could help. 
12. Sometimes our understanding of love changes. You may look back at a time in which you believed you were in love and now you understand that what you were experiencing wasn’t love at all. It may have been infatuation, obsession, lust, or some other experience. Also, if you’re undergoing a transformation in what you understand love to be, it’s huge. You’re probably leveling up. 
13. I hope you can see through the example of Kwame that when you run into difficulties in relationships, those difficulties you’re having with your partner might not be about you at all. Sometimes we can so easily get caught up in thinking that relationship problems are all about what’s immediately between us and our lover, when in actuality there can be serious sources of trauma underlying the dynamic that inhibit our ability to give and receive love. So just know, it’s not always about you. 
14. We mention it several times, but Eckankar, the Path of Spiritual Freedom is how Kwame and I know each other. We are brothers in service and spirit in that respect. If you want to know more you can visit eckankar.org for an overview or if you’re interested in the work and events that Kwame and I directly support you can visit eckankar-ny.org. You can always just ask us about it too. We are both a wealth of information and experience in that field. 
15. Spirituality, god, and love from a higher power is a very real type of love. You may not have that experience in yourself but try not to knock others for having it. I hope you can see by Kwame’s example that many are catapulted into a relationship of a spiritual nature simply by what they’ve had to face in life. We’re not talking about religion, dogma, or the cultural control or oppression that faith based institutions sometimes propagate. We’re talking about a very real relationship with the divine, the universe, with god, whatever you want to call it. A cosmic divine love. Love like this shows up in a big time way for some people. In my own experience in this field, people who have faced some of the most traumatic experiences have some of the strongest and most direct relationships with the higher power simply because it’s been necessary for survival. Furthermore, this type of love is not reliant on others, you find it within yourself, it’s accessible in all situations, and many times gives a higher purpose to life. With this you don’t have to be a monk, a nun, or living some type or austere lifestyle to experience spiritual love. Kwame has several jobs, volunteers, dates around, has fun, and is generally thriving. He’s in the thick of life. Check yourself: if you come into resistance, blocks, or put up walls to this type of spiritual love you may want to explore that. Especially if you’re quick to judge others for it. 
16. What are you doing to bring more love into your life today? The heart is not only a physical muscle, it’s a love muscle too. By exercising and working on different approaches to the heart, you’re going to become more strong in love. Kwame’s realization on the episode came in part because he was proactively doing some research about the love languages. If you’re here listening to this you’re putting focus and attention on the heart. I wanna celebrate you for that. Beyond that what will you do today to be proactive in strengthening your capacity to love? Only you know the next step.